art by: ppawelczak

art by: ppawelczak

Stepping outside,

Everything closes in on me.

The vastness;

The distant space… separate.

 

People walking… riding… going about their intricate lives.

I draw myself further,

Like conveyor belt.. moving you backwards,

Safety is not near.

 

Too far to reach,

I am alone with this monster,

Trapped in a dimension no one can see.

 

I feel cold…. shattered,

Desperately trying to blend in, to find solace, to sleep.

 

Retreating.

Fearfully escaping reality,

To be safe in “the zone”… where no one can hurt me,

Where only I reside,

Consoling my inner child.

Rocking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

Soothing, swaddling, breathing…

… wishing the monster away.

 

In the depth of healing,

Encountering … embracing darkness.

Despair lingers, hope floats,

…and I find myself smiling through the tears.

 

Kim Larocque May 2016