Everything closes in on me.
The distant space… separate.
People walking… riding… going about their intricate lives.
I draw myself further,
Like conveyor belt.. moving you backwards,
Safety is not near.
Too far to reach,
I am alone with this monster,
Trapped in a dimension no one can see.
I feel cold…. shattered,
Desperately trying to blend in, to find solace, to sleep.
Fearfully escaping reality,
To be safe in “the zone”… where no one can hurt me,
Where only I reside,
Consoling my inner child.
Rocking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
Soothing, swaddling, breathing…
… wishing the monster away.
In the depth of healing,
Encountering … embracing darkness.
Despair lingers, hope floats,
…and I find myself smiling through the tears.
Kim Larocque May 2016