Healing Kaleidoscopes

Lost in the forest by Viride

Lost in the forest by Viride

“The pain of an injury is over in seconds. Everything that comes after is the pain of getting well.” He gave her a heartfelt look, full of apology. “I’d forgotten that you see. Coming back to life … It hurts.” 
― Tessa DareTwice Tempted by a Rogue

There was a time when I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. There was a time, if you talked to me, it would take a few seconds for me to respond, if I responded. There was a time, when my insides felt so numb, that only my children had the power to put a spark in the pit of my heart. And during that time, I felt so lost and afraid I really thought I was going to die.

But I didn’t!

Those times are not to far behind me, but you know what? I am so happy it came to do or die. Really!! Sounds weird, however, the day I felt so cold I thought I couldn’t take it anymore is the day I decided to get help. I wanted to live, my survival instinct kicked in.

I remember so clearly the day I walked into the community center. Mustering up all my courage I looked at the girl at the front desk and said:

«Is there a support group around here for divorced or separated people?»

She responded no, but did ask

«Are you ok? Do you want to speak to someone?»

I broke down

Sylvia, came to the front desk, and brought me into a little office. We spoke for a bit, and she sent me home with a card for a therapist who called me that evening.

What I didn’t know then was:

  • It wasn’t my last relationship which caused me to be the way I was «depressed»
  • By asking for help, my healing had already begun.
  • The next two years of my life were going to be challenging, yet bring out the best in me.

depression-13057Later that year, I was diagnosed with clinical depression, Generalized Anxiety, and PTSD.. The next year following, I would develop agoraphobia.

Healing is like a Kaleidoscope full of many shapes and colors and can change in a instant depending on how you look at things. 

Yet, despite the fact that I didn’t believe in western medicine and taking anti-depressants, I did, and I do not regret it. I also followed my spiritual path more than ever, and I still see my awesome therapist (read my post The Benefits of An Amazing Therapist)

Side Note: I also added more chocolate to my diet (I had to do something drastic right?) 

The other day, someone, with only love in their heart, commented to me: I think you allow yourself to be labeled Depressed etc.. And that allowing those labels will hinder my growth, and that I should follow the old Reiki/Lightworker healing path.

For myself (and I am speaking for myself only) The mix of all the therapies and healing (including Reiki and light work) has benefitted me 100%. Finally knowing that I was not crazy, and that the endorphins in my brain (including serotonin) needed a boost with some medication, opened myself up to other forms of healing as well.

“Back in the 1990s, the American Psychological Association’s Monitor on Psychology wrote a nice article that summarizes the research in this area of the combination of psychotherapy and medications in the treatment of depression. Their conclusion? People get better, faster on combination treatment than on either treatment by itself.”

You can read the study here.

All you have to do is think positive and exercise!

Ya right! In the beginning, there was no way I could muster up the strength to even think of exercising (to boost those endorphins) so telling me to do so was counter productive. Now, two years later, I am ready to start a more natural approach, because I am beginning to regain consciousness. This includes more excercise. I am ready!

awaken2Having positive affirmations and mantra’s are among the many ways I keep myself from losing my mind, however, reading too many of them, can also be counter productive. For example, do not tell me to wash away my anger with a happy quote, I need to feel the anger first, not suppress it. Then I can move onto reading Robert Frost, Wayne Dwyer and Louise Hastings. Thank you very much.

“We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full.” 
― Marcel Proust

There is something extremely powerful breathing into all feelings. I discovered I can do this. Really tap into frustration, elation, sadness, and fear, and how they express themselves throughout my body. Feeling uncomfortable is a challenge, yet allowing the feeling to roam through the body and release is such an empowering thing.

My healing journey is my own, and my own only. So many of you have succeeded without the meds, or without the therapy, or with yoga, or without keeping a journal… Are stories of healing are own, and we can only be inspired by one another, not tell each other «my way is best».

Everything in life has its own merit, my trip down recovery lane is wonderful. I am discovering so many nuances about me I never even knew existed.

So, each of us walk our path which has many hues, shapes and sizes… and mine is only one in a million, yet it is mine and I am proud of it.

“As soon as healing takes place, go out and heal somebody else.” 
― Maya Angelou


  1. You are amazing!! Words cannot express how wonderful it’s been to be on this healing journey with you. xoxo

    • Kim

      September 23, 2013 at 11:27 pm

      Catherine!! Thank you! You are amazing too! I am so so so happy we have met, and that we share, and support each other.


  2. you are SO brave … not just for sharing this story (which is totally brave!) But also for demanding that you feel better, no matter what it takes. You are a hero 🙂 xoxo

  3. Kim

    September 19, 2013 at 7:46 am

    Laura your story has always been inspiring to me. You just keep on going and going and I am so proud of you!!


    • Kim, your life story and what you have gone through continues to inspire me as well. I know I am your closet reader many times, but I always love your inspiration, even on days you have to put one foot in front of the other each minute. You do it. You do what it takes and you are helping others by being honest and sharing.

      Namaste my dear friend.

  4. Thanks for pointing out that everyone has a way of healing that is different and no one can say “My way is best.”

    For myself, exercise did work and I still do it daily. I also meditate, do EFT, QiGong and it has worked. In the days of the year when the light is shorter I must add extra exercise to release the “feel good” endorphins in the afternoon and not just in the morning.

    When people stop being afraid of negative emotions they are feeling and learn to feel them, they learn to actually accept them for what they are and move on to more positive feelings they can focus on.

    My drug is holistic and is Rhodiola, which my doctor suggested 3 years ago. I am to take this supplement from the beginning of September to the end of May and it has helped me immensely to even search for ways to help combat depression before it gets out of control.

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