“I wonder if fears ever really go away, or if they just lose their power over us.”
― Veronica Roth, Allegiant
In a recent post here on Muse in The Valley, I spoke about how I had been trying to live up to the image of a perfect coach. I came clean that I am far from perfect. Last night was a true testament to just how far from perfect I really am.
Friday started out about as normal as it could, I would be off of caffeine for the whole day while I was doing an adrenal swab test throughout the day. I had already put it in my mind that it would be a challenging day and I would have to take it easy. Apparently the addiction to caffeine has become a problem. I have no words for what ensued over the next fifteen hours.
It all started out so normal, breakfast at the vegan restaurant and then a few errands. By noon I was experiencing the lack of caffeine headache…it was all downhill from there. I decided home base would be best and headed home to “rest”. Deciding I could take it no longer, I took something for my headache that wouldn’t interfere with the adrenal testing. I went out and got some food, yes french fries were in the mix. Remember, I said I do have them.
There is something that happens when we let our emotions override our sense of knowing, our stable mind. My stable mind decided it was time for a break and let the monkey mind take over. Over the next several hours the headache got worse, the nausea was palpable and I was sweating more than in a hot yoga class. I worked myself into a frenzy of fear, what the hell was happening to me? I will spare the details of how physically ill I became.
It was time to call in reinforcements, my family. One by one they all came over. I was in a bad way and still didn’t understand what was happening. All because I didn’t get my morning cup of coffee? Maybe, but combine that with possible food poisoning from the fry shop and throw in a panic attack and you’ve got the makings of a helluva a party.
That’s right, PANIC ATTACK!! The not-so-perfect coach was in the throes of a full-blown panic attack. It had been going on for hours and I had no idea. Afterall, I am a wellness coach, I know the signs, I don’t get panic attacks. Okay not in years. It would be an understatement to say I was scared, I was terrified. Probably as terrified as I am putting this out there. Okay, sorry for the dramatics.
“To know a species, look at its fears. To know yourself, look at your fears. Fear in itself is not important, but fear stands there and points you in the direction of things that are important. Don’t be afraid of your fears, they’re not there to scare you; they’re there to let you know that something is worth it.”
― C. JoyBell C.
I am blessed to have such an amazing family, they stayed with me and made sure I was okay before leaving, things had subsided. Except that damn headache. I woke up at ten for the last swab test and took some meds for the headache with caffeine, sweet redemption.
I woke up feeling better. But I also knew that if I didn’t write about this I would not move past it. We are all human, we’re all going through this thing called life. There are highs and lows. I am looking back at the fact that I let my one day of no caffeine take over and allowed it to create a chaotic day. I still have a few tears left over. How could I not, just reliving it brings about tears. I am lucky, I have a support system that is there for me at the drop of a hat. They were there with comfort, love and understanding.
* Embracing the monkey mind and letting it move through us is vital to good health, a little help from our friends doesn’t hurt. I hope this never happens again, but if it does, I know I will be okay. And as for the adrenal test…well I made it through, no worse for the wear.
Caren Schmidt is a Certified Holistic Health Coach and Life Strategist with a passion for helping women achieve a joyful life. A spiritual seeker who describes herself as “a late bloomer”, having only discovered her spiritual self in the last ten years. Caren practices a holistic approach with a focus on the mind-body connection; and believes everyone should make self care a priority.
Born and raised in Texas, Caren describes herself as a non-traditionalist. Learning her own core values at a young age and then taking them with her along her journey has made her who she is today. Caren always knew she wanted to be a writer, writing short stories and poetry since high school. She shelved her dream when she entered the workforce. Since then, Caren has written several blogs and is working on her book, You Have Such a Pretty Face…..If You’d Just Lose the Weight.
She is a supporter of the empowerment of women, working with them to find their own voice and teaching them to step into their higher self. Caren focuses on body image coaching and life strategies. Her background in wellness is always at the foundation of her coaching. Caren believes that when you nourish your body, you nourish your mind.
Caren lives in Arizona with her Rat Terrier, Harley. Her desert lifestyle is a far cry from the concrete jungle of San Francisco, the most recent place she called home. She is learning to navigate the suburban lifestyle with her city mentality. After all, Caren believes, it’s just part of the journey….