“No boundary or barrier surrounds the heart of a person that loves their self and others.”
― Shannon L. Alder
The more I practice the art of self-respect, the more I trust myself. With that, comes an undying love that is unwavering and strong. There was a time in my past, others could treat me in a way of their choosing, they could yell at me, call me nasty names, or the opposite, give me the silent treatment. They could use me, manipulate me, step all over me, and I thought « Hey I am strong! I can take it! »
A fiction of my imagination.
There were times when I fought back with full force.
« You are a jerk! »
« You are always screaming »
« You are so insensitve »
No matter how many times I told them what they were, I never told them how I felt, or how their behavior was affecting me. Then I grew up and began using I.
« I do not like it when you yell at me »
« I feel afraid when you call me names »
« I do not feel understood »
“It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.”
― Mandy Hale,
I thought: “hey I got this right!” I am using the pronoun « I », I am not accusing anymore, this will work out over time.
But it didn’t always turn out that way.
Why? Because in their mind, it was still ok, and that my friends was when I knew it was time to cut the chords.
« We teach others how to treat us » A lesson I mastered over this past year, and something I am still practicing today. I learned to say : « Do not cross this line, or there will be a consequence »” The difficult part? Executing the consequence, in other words: doing what you say you are going to do. It is quite empowering to set limits with others even if it feels uncomfortable. Yet, once the limit set (for me the easier part) I found it challenging to follow through.
Yet, following through is one of the most self-loving things you can do.
The day I decided that no one is crossing « this » line, and followed with action is they did, was the day I earned their respect, and it was at that moment I learned self-respect. It may not always be easy, yet the results that ensue when someone actually learns not to cross a line of yours is astonishing. My relationship with my own children is richer, more loving and even more stable than just 2 years ago.
They wanted structure, and a mom they can trust.
Setting limits not only taught loved ones how to treat me, these boundaries brought on a love for myself I never thought I had.
It shows me that I am worth it, that I value myself, my body and my spirit..
That, my friends, is a gift that keeps on giving.
#40DaysOfSelfLove : Today, day 16, I continue to strengthen healthy boundaries with myself and those around me.