« We must have faith that we will survive that often-lonely space between old friends falling away and new ones showing their face. » Jeff Brown
Note : I know I have written on this topic before, however, during the 40 Days Of Self-Love challenge, I noticed that loneliness is still an issue I need to address, and a feeling I am working through. We all feel the need to be around others, yet not just anyone. How many times have you felt « alone » in a crowd of people? Thus, I am exploring the feeling at its core… to one day find « my tribe » and connections with others that are truly authentic and kind.
There are times when I am alone with myself and I revel in the quiet and serenity. Then there are those days and nights, when loneliness hits, and I feel like the only human on earth, grasping at straws to feel connected to you, to them, to the Universe.
I was telling my friend the other day : After 3 years of being almost totally physically alone (besides my children and my dog), sometimes the desolation feels like torture. I literally feel like if I do not get a hand to hold, or a hug to feel, my whole world will fall apart.
It really does.
Living with depression and agoraphobia doesn’t help. These afflictions perpetuate isolation, and even though I work very hard at « getting out there » the mental anguish I feel at times, keeps me from feeling connected. On the positive side, being alone, allows me to finally connect with me, and rid myself of old habits, and excavate, with depth and determination, the woes of my soul.
Being alone is necessary to become the archeologist of the heart.
I spend a lot of time on social media. For me, it is an ‘in’ to the world, and a way to connect with like-minded souls. The conversations stimulate my brain and lighten up my heart, and the exchange of support gives me a sense of community, something we often lack in our outer worlds.
However, I must remind myself that although my online friends are posting pictures of Weddings, BBQ’s, family gatherings, night’s out, concerts, anniversaries, etc., doesn’t mean I am “a loser and I have no life” (cause to be honest, sometimes I do feel that way). What it means, as I journey through this cavern of my past, digging through the dark, and finding the wealth within, my life will eventually return to its “entertaining” self, yet with a richness that will bring me more joy for my future self.
I do not have tons of offline friends. Like a snake unleashing its skin, I shed my toxic connections years ago, to free myself from the drama they may cause. However, just like when you empty out your cupboard of things you do not need anymore, you want to be very careful of what you put back in there.
I want to find my soul-pod
In his article, Finding Your Soulpod, for ABC, Jeff Brown explains:
« I began looking for my next “soulpod” everywhere. Our soulpod is that person or group of people whom our soul finds the most resonance with at any given moment — people of “soulnificance.” It can include anyone that appears on our path to inform and catalyze our expansion — our family of origin, significant figures, strangers with a lesson. How long they stay depends on the lesson. It could be a moment, a decade, a lifetime…
At first, my soulpod was very difficult to find. When I was less individuated, it had been easier to make friends. The more amorphous we are, the easier it is to find someone to have a drink with. But now I didn’t want to just have a drink. I wanted to be met in the deep within. I wanted to connect with people walking the same soul beat — less ego, more essence, true to path. »
Today, on my self-love journey, I am adopting my lonely self, and loving her with all my might. I am letting her excavate, dig, and reap the benefits of finding the treasures deep within, and discarding what she doesn’t need anymore.
Today, self-love challenge day 7, I will give myself the friendship I so well deserve, and pay attention to the treasures I find within.