Honor the Guest in Your Own Heart

feet in water

You can’t build joy on a feeling of self-loathing. ~Ram Dass

So what is self-love really? Is it incessant selfishness, putting ourselves first and never caring for how other’s feel as long as we are happy? Absolutely not!

According to Dr. Deborah Khoshaba, Psy.D, self-love is : « a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love is dynamic; it grows by actions that mature us. »

Self-love, to me, is listening to my body, taking the time to rest, rejuvenate, and nurture myself. It is finding time to do the things I love. It is looking in the mirror and actually finding the things I appreciate about my body, and continuously taking the time to adjust to its changes, and fluctuations.

For me, who used (and still does sometimes) put everyone 1st, loving myself is: buying that new top (when all my old tops are falling apart), or taking that course or treating myself to my favorite meal and pairing it with a glass of wine.

In other words, self-love is doing for you, what you would do for you child, spouse or best friend. It is giving yourself permission to put yourself first so in the end, you do have your whole self to love and take care of others.

Loving yourself…does not mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic, or disregarding others. Rather it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart, a guest worthy of respect, a lovable companion.- Margo Anand

I am a nurturer, and I tend to give all my banked energy to others, to the point of being emotionally bankrupt. Self-love, is actually putting some « love currency » into your account to gain interest. That way there is enough to go around.

So take that bath, buy the shirt or  just take that “breather” you’ve wanted. It could only benefit everyone around you.

Self-love begins in increments. 10 minutes here, 15 minutes there, until, at the end of the day, you no longer feel the exhaustion you once felt.

Oh, you’ll get tired, and at times empty, yet the more you practice loving yourself, the easier getting through the hard times it will be, because like me, mastering the art of self-love is a journey, and today, my journey is all about reminding myself that I matter.

Today 40 Days of Love Challenge / day 4 – I am doing what I want to do, what I love to do, and giving myself time to enjoy the little moments along the way. I am also taking a few minutes to clean up my space, because my space is sacred, and if that isn’t an act of self-love, what is?


And I matter most today!

You can read Mohini’s Journey here:

and M’Chele’s Journey here:



  1. Oh, how many times have I missed that….
    Thank you for this gentle reminder, Kim!

  2. So important to learn this. I am taking note!

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