“Nothing makes time pass or shortens the way like a thought that absorbs in itself all the faculties of the one who is thinking. External existence is then like a sleep of which this thought is the dream. Under its influence, time has no more measure, space has no more distance.” ― Alexandre Dumas
Sitting on my grandmother’s couch, after my long day at school, I spot a big, bright, brick like catalogue sitting on the side table. Excitement on my face, I grab the newest edition of the Sears Catalogue, and set it upon my lap to start perusing the pages making sure I do not smudge them with my sticky Aero bar fingers (my grandmother always kept one for me in the fridge). With awe and wonder I slowly turn the first page, and tip toe through each and every page not missing a beat. I look at the clothes section, picturing myself in the elegant pink laced dress, patent leather shoes and sparkling hair bows. I even peek at the alluring bras as my breasts are starting to form.
« One day I will be a starlette of sorts » I think to myself. « One day I will have all these pretty things…. one day. »
The Sears catalogue for me, was a book of dreams, where all fairy tales come true, if only.. .
“She never felt like she belonged anywhere,except for when she was lying on her bed, pretending to be somewhere else.”
― Rainbow Rowell
Every single page had items from brilliant jewelry, to my future house’s couch, lamps and accessories. Carefully sifting through each page, I would bend their corners to remind myself of what I wished for… My grandmother didn’t mind, as I took the lead from her, I could also see what she wished for as her pages were carefully folded, one locked on a coat she was planning to buy for the fall. Funny, how a young girl of 11 could have so many things she aspired to have, even if it is though a big conglomerate like Sears. Amazing how her mind would unravel a world of beauty and lavishness, a yearning for what is to come, or what could be. Envying of sort, to have more bountiful life, full of the things of little girls dreams.
37 tears years later
Many call me fantasical, with my head in the clouds, wishing for things that do not always seem realistic. I am like that, even as an adult. I dream and I dream big. Sometimes I dream so much it brings me to tears thinking :
«Will I never get/achieve this!? »
Because, we all know, eventually, things do not always go as planned.. and this makes dreaming, sometimes hard to do for some. Yet, if I look way back, some of my dreams are my reality, and for this I hang on like a child grasping the handles on their first solo bike ride.
«Kim in often lost in another world » says my teacher to my parents. « She needs to pay more attention in class »
Not only does my dreamlike world have things for a princess, it has peace, and big love. This world is kind…the people in my daydreams are earth loving, respectful and full of joy, unlike the heaven of some religions, this world is real, and we are happy and alive living peacefully in it. I do not know what some items are so important to me because my spirit grasps I do not need these to be happy, yet, being totally honest here, who in 2014 doesn’t want something shiny and new whether it is a new camera, cell or car? We can be simple, yet still get excited when we get something new and fun.
“Run my dear,
That may not strengthen
Your precious budding wings.”
What I yearn for in my daydreams, since my childhood, are not all « things » I think most important of all, I yearn to be loved, and maybe just maybe, I think/thought those « things » will make me that much more loveable? I don’t know. Yet, for me, my biggest dream right now, is my home, my family, and great love. You can say I have all that on a smaller scale, and yes my family is who I live for, my calling and my passion.. and one day, I will be writing to you, from my water front home, sitting in my writer’s den overlooking the lake, and my great love by my side.
These things, unfortunately, I cannot get at Sears.