Aloneness: Finding Comfort in a Touch

touch

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a
listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all
of which have the potential to turn a life around.” 
― Leo Buscaglia

So where am I on my journey now? What is new in my life? If I have to answer this question honestly, and this is my motto for the week : Be honest with yourself, I would say, I am alone. No, not  spiritually alone,  yet by myself, most times, adopting my inner sacredness, my self-worth, my charm, my spirit.

Someone dear to my heart, who also suffers from depression told me in a conversation : « I am alone dammit, and it is hard! No one is there to help! » I replied the automatic : « No you are not alone, you are never alone » (meaning spirit and people are thinking of you) and he said, a tad angrily « YES! I AM ALONE ». This got me to thinking about my own aloneness and how, at times, yes, I do feel alone, physically all by myself.

My heart and my spirit knows there is love all around, angels watching over me, and even my loved one’s collective conciousness by my side wishing me well. But when it comes to feel the warmth of someone’s body in a hug, or facing our own reality (pay bills, rent, groceries, raise children, and even watching a movie) he’s right. He is alone, and so am I.

I am lucky I have 2, mature, bright and loving teenagers who, when they are around, give me loads of hugs and attention. We spend quality time together, and I am there for them when they need me. The one thing I promised myself throughout this journey is : I will work really hard at taking care of myself so I can take care of my children. Most days, when the kids need their mother.. Well she is there fully aware and listening and seeking to understand with all her might.

Having the kids around helps me feel present.

Then there is Gibson my dog. I call him my therapy dog. Because he really gives me the unconditional love, attention and snuggles I need during my days and nights. When the kids are at school, he makes me take him out (yep he walks me) so I get some fresh air and see the world. Gibson loves to play, so he calls on my inner child to take some time to enjoy a ball, or a short run in the grass and a jump in the snow. 

“Sometimes, reaching out and taking someone’s hand is the beginning of a journey. At other times, it is allowing another to take yours.” ― Vera NazarianThe Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration

The importance of touch

touch kez-472x295There is another aspect that my friend may be craving, and I know I long for: « human touch » In his article Hands On Research: The Science of Touch, Dacher Keltner states :

…after years spent immersed in the science of touch, I can tell you that they are far more profound than we usually realize: They are our primary language of compassion, and a primary means for spreading compassion.

In recent years, a wave of studies has documented some incredible emotional and physical health benefits that come from touch. This research is suggesting that touch is truly fundamental to human communication, bonding, and health.

AHA!!

Is it the human-ness we are missing. The pat on the back, the touch of a hand, the hug, the kiss on the cheek? Maybe so. I know, when I hug my dog at night, his warmth is very comforting it almost brings me to tears, so are the big hugs from my children. Almost like I was craving these deep feelings of compassion, love and closeness. One day, while the esthetician was shaping my eyebrows, I shed a few tears, not because it hurt, but because I had not had anyone take care of me with gentle hands in a long time. 

So what are we to do when being alone is all that we have?  We are all on a journey, and mine is a journey of healing and self-compassion. I was inspired by Jeff Brown this week when he posted an excerpt of his book Soulshaping on his Facebook Page. It goes as follows:

Friends fell away as I individuated on my soul’s
journey. As I shed one self-sense, I no longer
identified with the people attached to it. Old ways of
interacting seemed artificial, scripted, silly. Whereas
before it was fine to hang out and waste time, now
there was no time to lose. Now I had to protect my
sacred purpose from connections that undermined it.

Be prepared for the lonely times on the journey. It
can be very isolating to quest for true-path amid
the trumpets of modern life. Walking through
uncharted territory often means walking alone. This
is particularly true in the transition stages before
we find our consciousness soulpod. It’s like primary
school all over again—who will be my first REAL
friends?

As for getting our dose of human touch and compassion in the meantime?  Well, sometimes accepting our alone-ness will be a challenge, however, for me, every time I see someone I know, even down the street, I ask: “Can I have a hug?” Usually they oblige. So get all the hugs you can get and love yourself deeply. And when you feel alone, imagine you are not… call on your angels, hug a pillow, and let the feelings be just what they are.

Blessings

kim signature buttfly

 

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3 Comments

  1. All of your words are spoken from the heart Kim and very true. We do long for the closeness of another human being. Our spiritual path will mean walking alone at times but again as you’ve mentioned this is a time to bond with ourselves, love ourselves, nurture ourselves and know that we are our own best friends!! thanks so much love you xxx

  2. I absolutely love this post of yours.. What a great outlook you have and wisdom to share.. Great read and I hope many get a chance to see this.. Love to you sweetie.. Shauna xxx

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