Welcome to my Pity-Party – Please Bring Balloons and Bubbles

pity party

“It’s all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are finished. Mrs. Miracle”  ― Debbie Macomber

Do you ever feel like you are drowning when too many obstacles get it the way?  Or when your “to-do” list piles up, do you ever feel overwhelmed? When too many things are happening at once, and the world seems to start spinning faster and faster, I tend to want to throw in the towel, stick my body under a blanket, and wish to God some pretty fairy would come and make things easier.  When one lives with a mental illness, the feeling of overwhelm can show up at any time, even in front of a pile of dishes, which normally is an easy task.

Stop the world I want to get off!

road-runner-1I have never contemplated suicide, yet I have wanted (in the past) to get off the bandwagon and just sleep until all is well, and I am cured from this, at times, debilitating disease. Feelings of anxiety, panic and hopelessness always make me want to run away from whatever it is I am experiencing, as if, like the Roadrunner leaving a poof of smoke behind, I could do that with my emotions: run so fast they detach themselves from me.

Today is one of those days. I am done with my mental illness and I want more out of life that just waking up and watching the world from my trusty balcony.

Realistic? Not a chance!

I wrote often about “accepting my limitations” just like anyone else going through a debilitating injury or pain, not easy to do, yet doable. However, there are days when I want to give myself a pity party! Yep, just feel sorry for myself for a little while until I realize how silly I am and just continue with my life.

Pity parties are ok… as long as they are not long-lasting.

We are all children at heart aren’t we? And sometimes we love to play with bubbles, color and run around naked in the house (ok maybe not that but..) and there are times it is not all about playtime, it is about “getting what we want when we want it!”

Just the other day, I heard my 16-year-old daughter scream because “Hey, she WANTED it NOW!!” Well I, like a 2-year old, want everything to be over immediately and I want to be well again, normal again, go out free again, be rich again, never to worry again… (well I do not think I have lived a week without worrying but that is another thing I am working on).

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The point is, we must allow ourselves to accept our limitations, our pain and worry, but there are times when we have to pull a tantrum! Let it all out like a 3-year-old screaming for the latest pet shop toy. I know for me, if I don’t, the panic gets worse and I may end up in a 3 day “bed in” in my house.

This week, a lot is happening, actually the past two weeks have overwhelmed me. So today, as I go through the day, I may just hit a pillow or two, stamp my feet and yell at the Universe (which I did a bit yesterday). Sometimes The Universe needs a little “shaking up”.

Yesterday, was my “pity” day, today is “let it all out day”.

That way, I can continue to move forward loving and caring for myself like never before. Love is the key, self-compassion goes with it, and all shall be well.

Until the next time.. and that’s ok!!

“Only a teaspoon of self-pity, girl. Every day give yourself a teaspoonful, but only a teaspoonful. Fill it up full, but only once! Don’t let yourself have more. You can’t live off it. But just a bit of it is like a tonic.” ― Breena ClarkeRiver, Cross My Heart

 

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8 Comments

  1. Kathie Sutherland

    March 4, 2014 at 1:06 pm

    Just got off the potty myself. And you’re right, just for a little while…and then flush all that s—! Thank you Kim for your truth telling.

  2. When I read your posts, I feel like we are the same person! And that makes me feel so much better…like I have a soul sister in this horrible situation we face every day.
    It’s funny you should write this about pity parties as I have written a few articles about the same thing…that it’s okay to have them, just with some “limitations.” There are times when we need to be able to feel sorry for ourselves. And I love what you said…”yell at the Universe (which I did a bit yesterday). Sometimes The Universe needs a little “shaking up”.” It made me smile and you know how important that is.
    I am getting so much comfort out of reading your words…thank you.

    • Kim

      March 4, 2014 at 11:37 am

      Wow!! Thank you!

      I was just thinking the other day.. “Hey I must be due for a pity-party” It feels good to let it all out, and continue to move forward doesn’t it.

      Thank you so much for reading. 🙂

  3. Keep pushing through to the other side Kim!!! What a teeter totter life we lead, hey??!!! I love how you share so much of what’s happening in your life. luv you xoxo

    • Kim

      August 28, 2013 at 8:52 am

      There are always good moments and challenging moments, the kids going back to school is a trigger.

      Thanks for your love!

  4. Hey Kim,

    Sorry, no balloons (I have lung disease) but lots of bubbles I can do.
    I’m sorry you are going through a dip in the journey of life.

    I can so relate. While my mastocytosis is the cause of my many house days , when I’m flared, the mast cells play games with my brain and neurons spark in the wrong sequences or just shut down.
    It’s been a really stressful few months and my daughter got married last week. On the way home, I drove, alone, for 4 hrs through the mountain roads sobbing. All the while, my mind was playing havoc with my emotions. I knew it was mast cell related due to stress……didn’t help a bit.

    It’s hard for people to understand how it feels to be restricted in living life. You give so many people hope, courage and encouragement to keep going. It’s perfectly okay to indulge in a brief “bubble day” …in fact, I think they are necessary to recharge. You give alot of energy out….take time to recharge.

    Thank you for being brave enough to write about it. You have no idea how many people you will touch by your writing…making differences in their lives.

    I hope tomorrow is brighter. I’ll be out here on the balcony blowing bubbles across the mountains.
    Thinking of you my friend.
    Namaste

    • Kim

      August 28, 2013 at 8:54 am

      Oh thank you so much Claire for your support! Writing helps me get through the more difficult days, so hopefully, someone else is out there feeling not so alone when they read.

      I admire your strength and bravery! We are in this together.

      Thinking of you too always.

      Oh and have fun with the bubbles!

      Kim

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