Opening Up to Love

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“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.” 
― Paulo CoelhoThe Alchemist

The other night I was flicking the channels and fell on 28 Days, one of my favorite movies. It stars Sandra Bullock, and a few other faves of mine. The story is great, Sandra plays an alcoholic, and after ruining her sister’s wedding by falling on the wedding cake, taking off drunk and stealing and crashing the wedding party’s limo, she is sentenced to 28 Days of Rehab.

This movie is serious and hilarious at the same time. One of the characters, Gerhardt awesomely played by Alan Tudyk is the funniest of them all. In this movie, he is a homosexual, and he is really anxious to date after Rehab is done. In a group meeting, he asks the counselor Cornell, played by Steve Buscemi, when could he start dating one he got out of the center.

Cornell answers (I am paraphrasing the quote) “When you get out, go buy yourself a plant, then after a year with the plant, go and buy yourself a dog, at the end of the two years, if the plant and the dog are still alive, you can think of dating again!”

I thought to myself. “Wow that is amazing advice” I have always been a true believer that our houseplants are a reflection of how we are nurturing ourselves, and taking care of a dog well is a great responsiblity. Then it dawned on me:

,..Wait a minute here… When I broke up with my X to come live here alone with the kids, I took a piece of my girlfriends plant to root it and put into a pot, since then, I have 4 plants from the 1 piece, and they are doing GREAT!! Almost a year later,  I manifested my dog Gibson (see blog about this here), and he’s still doing great, not exactly two years, but hey I’m close!..

I’ve told my therapist lately, that there is a “longing” to have someone in my life, yet I do not feel 100% ready to start dating right away. I am open to thinking about what kind of man I want to attract, and the more I trust my inner self, my intuition, the more I am trusting I wont choose someone who will drain my spirit, in turn, turning me into a victim and doing the drama dance.

I promised myself only healthy love allowed.

I want to see  respect, responsibility, understanding, support and compassion in my next relationship. So starting today, I am going to think about what I want in a relationship with a man, and open myself up to love again. This will not be an easy task, as I still have a bit of a lock on my heart. I am in “full protection” mode. Yet, the more I give myself the latter (responsibility, understanding.. etc) the more I feel the lock heal the heart-break, and chain by chain, little by little, I am getting excited about meeting someone new.. and dating for a while.

…In the past, I met a guy, liked him, and he said “Lets shack up” and I said “SURE” and ya.. you know the rest.

couple-huggingThis time, I would love it to be completely different. I want to meet my best friend first.

and then hopefully… get married for the first time EVER!  No big to-do, just a simple, yet meaningful marriage.

Ya… I am getting used to thinking this way.

Have you met the love of your life?  What keeps you both happy? If you haven’t… what would you LOVE in a relationship! Tell me.

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.” 
― Brené Brown

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8 Comments

  1. You know, you made me stop and think. When I first moved back here, I made a list of qualities that I wanted in the man that I wanted. After leaving it in my dream box for quite a while, I took it out and decided that if he’s meant to be and out there, he would come… Sure enough..I have my wonderful other half. And while he may not have every quality I wanted, he’s got just the right amount for him…I love this Kim!

  2. My love and I are lucky in love, and I mean lucky. We just happened upon one another two decades ago and have thanked our lucky stars and one another ever since.

  3. I met the love of my life in October and we are getting married in September. I did a lot of work on myself before meeting him. I am so incredibly happy and all the pain and failed relationships barely seem to exist. Loving and taking care of myself was the first step and wanting and believing in a loving healthy relationship was the second step! You will find the right person when you are ready! I am an older bride and it is never too late!

    • Kim

      July 24, 2013 at 7:33 pm

      Your relationship with Tony has given me lots of hope. Watching it unfold as you plan for your big day!

      Wishing you all the best, and I know he’s out there.. probably making a list of the qualities he wants in a woman like me! LOL

  4. Carole Décarie

    July 24, 2013 at 1:08 pm

    I always keep in mind what I read not long ago “Be careful of what you say to yourself you are hearing it” . After listening David Suzuki’s episode on the power of the brain I am a strong believer that what happens in our life has a lot to do with what we say to ourselves.. so keep telling yourself what type of relationship you want you might hear it and it might happen lol… Another great post Kim. 🙂

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