“Some days are like this. And the only way to get through them is to remember that they are only one day, and that every day ends.”
One day into the next, nothing is ever the same, it changes like a kaleidoscope. Oh, the routines may be similar, or the people I talk to. My kids are there, looking the same, yet, every day has its magnificence, its experiences, and its shape. Yes, days have a shape to me, not circular, nor square, almost like the shapes of the doodles I make. Roundular, squarilike, triangularations, I know these are not real words, but the are the worlds which inhabit my days and my nights.
My day, today, is shaping up to look almost rectangularitious with a bit of sphereness. I woke up to the sound of rain, and a dream which I felt disturbing, only to feel a panic attack as I put my feet on the ground. So much is going on inside me, as I tend to think it is my responsibility again to “fix” the world.
I love rectangularitious days! Yes, they are full of emotions. Going from one end to another, yet, at the end of these kind of days, usually around the evening, I find a sense of peace and breakthroughs are never uncommon. This is where the sphere comes in. It is smoothe, and comfortable, you can even hide in it if you want for a while.. like a bubble.
The full moon last night lit many fires in our house. There was some anger, tears, frustrations among our inhabitants. I think at one time my neighbors could hear me speak “passionately” to my children (more screamy than passionate). As I settled myself to sleep, I could still feel the “irritation” of the evening, which probably explains why I dreamed about “cleaning up frantically” before the company arrives. (one cannot see the turmoil we are in).
I need time in my bubble, I need time to relax without exterior distractions. When I feel the panic rising like this morning, I know Iam about to find a treasure. The anxiety allows me to feel EVERYTHING, and when I finally talk it out, I have aha-moments after aha-moments! Getting there is the challenge.
A have a phone session with my therapist today. It started earlier this morning, and we are continuing in soon. I still have lots to process so I will leave you for now.
“Anything can happen to anyone at any time and you shouldn’t just live through the days, or you lose them. You should do what you can to enjoy every moment.”
― Sarah Brightman