“When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
“Deep breaths”… I tell myself as I am going through a couple of days of anxiety. Calm, deep breaths, as I find myself feeling a bit detached from the world.. “Its going to be ok” I tell myself as my heart pounds loudly… “I am here for you” as I feel panic rising..
“You are not alone”.
Alone I am not, I truly believe many are here with me in spirit, and spirit is here with me. Just the other day I received a visit from a White Dove.. I have never seen a white dove before unless it was at a magic show or on T.V. This one was special, she (I believe it was female) sat perched on the wire right at my eye level, smack dab in front of where I usually sit, and seemed to be “guarding” me. That is how it felt. Like she was making sure nothing will get to me, as she watched over the traffic and sky.
A messenger … a symbol of peace!
On that same day, I heard the song, “You are not alone” by Michael Jackson. Ever since then, it has been an ear worm I cannot seem to get rid of. I do love that song, so I decided to really listen to the lyrics and see what it is spirit is trying to tell me… I cried..
We are with you always… all of us..
You see, this past year is all about “being ok with being alone”. Meaning, I am not going to jump into a relationship with a man, just to fill the empty space longing to be loved. This self-love challenge, really, is all about filling this space with my love.
There are days, well, I get very lonely…
“Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don’t worry…I’m here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you.”
― Charles M. Schulz
And I think this is where my anxiety is coming from.. Today, day 36, I am embracing loneliness. Something I tried to run away from for a few months. Feeling lonely is part of this process… Feeling loneliness and accepting how it feels, is quite the challenge in itself. Yet, I see how beneficial just writing about it this morning. I feel less sad and a bit lighter.
I don’t know why I run away from emotions… yet, I do not want to build walls, the walls, in fact, are crumbling down. I know I am not falling apart (although sometimes it feels that way).. I am actually falling together!
….I am not broken, I never was..
I was just a bit discombobulated, detached from self, the world, the universe. I used to feel like I was outside of a circle, like everyone else was holding hands, and I was on the cusp of the outer edge. No more, I am putting myself in there (no matter how tough it can be at times) and pushing my way in…
Oh… no need to push.. the circle just opened and 2 people extended their hands..
Read my Self-Love friend Mohini on her journey here!