Walking Into The Circle – Day 36 – #40DaysofSelfLove

ring-around-the-rosie-childs-play

“When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.” ― Elizabeth GilbertEat, Pray, Love

“Deep breaths”… I tell myself as I am going through a couple of days of anxiety. Calm, deep breaths, as I find myself feeling a bit detached from the world.. “Its going to be ok” I tell myself as my heart pounds loudly… “I am here for you” as I feel panic rising..

“You are not alone”.

Alone I am not, I truly believe many are here with me in spirit, and spirit is here with me. Just the other day I received a visit from a White Dove.. I have never seen a white dove before unless it was at a magic show or on T.V. This one was special, she (I believe it was female) sat perched on the wire right at my eye level, smack dab in front of where I usually sit, and seemed to be “guarding” me. That is how it felt. Like she was making sure nothing will get to me, as she watched over the traffic and sky.

A messenger … a symbol of peace!

On that same day, I heard the song, “You are not alone” by Michael Jackson. Ever since then, it has been an ear worm I cannot seem to get rid of. I do love that song, so I decided to really listen to the lyrics and see what it is spirit is trying to tell me… I cried..

We are with you always… all of us..

You see, this past year is all about “being ok with being alone”. Meaning, I am not going to jump into a relationship with a man, just to fill the empty space longing to be loved. This self-love challenge, really, is all about filling this space with my love.

There are days, well, I get very lonely…

“Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don’t worry…I’m here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you.” 
― Charles M. Schulz

Dear_Diary_by_Iza87And I think this is where my anxiety is coming from.. Today, day 36, I am embracing loneliness. Something I tried to run away from for a few months. Feeling lonely is part of this process… Feeling loneliness and accepting how it feels, is quite the challenge in itself. Yet, I see how beneficial just writing about it this morning. I feel less sad and a bit lighter.

I don’t know why I run away from emotions… yet, I do not want to build walls, the walls, in fact, are crumbling down. I know I am not falling apart (although sometimes it feels that way).. I am actually falling together!

….I am not broken, I never was..

I was just a bit discombobulated, detached from self, the world, the universe. I used to feel like I was outside of a circle, like everyone else was holding hands, and I was on the cusp of the outer edge. No more, I am putting myself in there (no matter how tough it can be at times) and pushing my way in…

Oh… no need to push.. the circle just opened and 2 people extended their hands..

Welcome!

Read my Self-Love friend Mohini on her journey here!

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11 Comments

  1. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Kim!

  2. Another inspirational topic, Kim. Being on my own now has brought me lots of time to be alone! I wanted peace and quiet, which I’ve obtained but…I wasn’t expecting to be lonely. So this post is once again very, very helpful! Thank you xoxo

    • Kim

      July 13, 2013 at 4:32 pm

      I know, I wanted the peace and quiet myself..! and though my kids are here, sometimes.. just sometimes. I wish I had someone here to share my life with.

      Not now.. it is not time. I am sure he is being prepared for me, as I am being prepared for him!

      Love you Catherine. Always holding your hand. xoxo

  3. You are not alone.
    We are walking this journey of life together as one…so you are never alone. I do get what you mean…really I do.
    Many of us ..women…we’re never taught how to be our own best friend. How to depend on what’s inside of us to create the happiness and peace we desire. I think you are doing an amazing job of stepping in to life and all that it holds.
    You are enough…a touch of loneliness is bound to surface now and again and it’s okay..it’s part of life but your ultimate resource is YOU.
    I just love your honesty and vulnerability you show with your words…love it….love you..

  4. Dearest Kim, If you are able to sit with this, sit through this independently and solely alone, you will find such strength and clarity once you emerge on the other side. There is so much love and joy waiting.

    There is a reason for becoming okay with being alone. We work through the being alone and it becomes being lonely and that is transformed into confidence, strength and grace we find at the end of that path. We also find a greater love, compassion and joy in the company of others and, this is a big AND, in our own company.

    We begin craving our alone-time. We miss the friend we find in the empty, low, dark and cold void we find when we find ourselves there for the first time. We look for the wild, rebellious, courageous, larger-than-life, ‘HELL YEAH!’
    I’ll do what I want when I want to,
    I’ll wear what I want, listen to the music I want to,
    eat what I want, dance if I want to,
    sleep all day if I want to,
    take a long and luxurious bath if I want to,
    write a letter to myself, write my own adventure,
    paint my own picture, color or cut my hair,
    move the furniture around the way that I want it to be…

    the list is endless, the adventure begins and we smile knowing that we will revisit this ‘aloneness’ more than once and be okay with it. Let the adventure begin!!

    YOU are loved and YOU are AMAZING! Keep shining, lovely Kim!

    • Kim

      July 13, 2013 at 3:03 pm

      Thank you Jean for your words of wisdom!

      … thank you for being here and encouraging me on my path..

      Love to you too! xoxo

  5. Brilliant! I love the work you’re doing. Inspiring.

  6. Come, Kim!
    Let’s drink some hot soul chocolate and make daisy rings around loneliness…
    I heard it is the soul’s invitation to get to know the person who is feeling alone. And it is Kimazing!

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