Letting it All Out

woman foetal position

CaryeVDPMahoney Etsy

When I wake up in the morning, already full of worry and feeling unbalanced, I know it calls for serious self-love and attention. These mornings happen too often for my liking, and for some reason I just cannot seem to get used to the frailness some of my mornings bring.

Often, I would go off in my mind, and think “I wish I could wake up all peppy and happy and ready to roar with the lions” or something like that. Yet, when I do this, I am making what I am experiencing wrong! This is not self-love this is comparing myself to “morning people” who are not on antidepressants or suffering from GAD.

My awesomeballs therapist always reminds me how far I have come even if, at times, I feel like I am way back where I started. The difference is that I am dealing with my issues. I am working on myself. I am finding new ways to be, and this includes love.

I am love really. All I have is love in my heart. I have no room in my heart for hate. Hate takes up too much of my energy. So does resentment and rage. So when these feelings come up, I give them some time, I may beat a pillow with a bat, or scream, or cry! Yesterday, I cried. A big long sobbing cry. At one point I thought the sobs were going to choke me.. I felt myself close up, but I KNEW if I did, I would experience a panic attack.

So I cried some more.. blowing my nose, and feeling the pain. My son even asked me why I was crying…I told him “I don:t know” which was a tiny lie. In fact, I knew why I was crying, but sometimes a mom as to keep certain things to herself. Try to explain to a healthy 14-year-old “mom is crying because she’s lonely” or “mom is crying because she is disappointed in xyz”

I told him “I am sad, and I need to let it out”

And let it out I did. I know I am healing lifetimes of wounds, and I really need to be patient with myself. So today, on Day 6 of the 40 Day Self-Love Challenge, I am going to be really REALLY patient with myself.

And.. like I did yesterday, I am going to give myself another 15 minutes of pure silence.

I think that is when the “gunk” comes up.. and getting the gunk out is good.

You agree?

What are you doing today to show yourself some adoration and patience?

 

 

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6 Comments

  1. Letting it all out is a very good thing! I just find that crying releases so much and helps me feel much, much better! Sending sparkly love and hugs to you xoxo

  2. Really Happy to have connected with you…sending you loads of Love…and Hugs

  3. Hugs and love-love all your way….
    Yes, holding the space for the gunk to come up is good… it is followed by inspiration…
    A cycle of continuum… each pulling up the other!

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