When I wake up in the morning, already full of worry and feeling unbalanced, I know it calls for serious self-love and attention. These mornings happen too often for my liking, and for some reason I just cannot seem to get used to the frailness some of my mornings bring.
Often, I would go off in my mind, and think “I wish I could wake up all peppy and happy and ready to roar with the lions” or something like that. Yet, when I do this, I am making what I am experiencing wrong! This is not self-love this is comparing myself to “morning people” who are not on antidepressants or suffering from GAD.
My awesomeballs therapist always reminds me how far I have come even if, at times, I feel like I am way back where I started. The difference is that I am dealing with my issues. I am working on myself. I am finding new ways to be, and this includes love.
I am love really. All I have is love in my heart. I have no room in my heart for hate. Hate takes up too much of my energy. So does resentment and rage. So when these feelings come up, I give them some time, I may beat a pillow with a bat, or scream, or cry! Yesterday, I cried. A big long sobbing cry. At one point I thought the sobs were going to choke me.. I felt myself close up, but I KNEW if I did, I would experience a panic attack.
So I cried some more.. blowing my nose, and feeling the pain. My son even asked me why I was crying…I told him “I don:t know” which was a tiny lie. In fact, I knew why I was crying, but sometimes a mom as to keep certain things to herself. Try to explain to a healthy 14-year-old “mom is crying because she’s lonely” or “mom is crying because she is disappointed in xyz”
I told him “I am sad, and I need to let it out”
And let it out I did. I know I am healing lifetimes of wounds, and I really need to be patient with myself. So today, on Day 6 of the 40 Day Self-Love Challenge, I am going to be really REALLY patient with myself.
And.. like I did yesterday, I am going to give myself another 15 minutes of pure silence.
I think that is when the “gunk” comes up.. and getting the gunk out is good.
What are you doing today to show yourself some adoration and patience?