“You never know what’s around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you’ve climbed a mountain.”
― Tom Hiddleston
You never know where life is going to take you. Really, there is no map of your life or atlas which you can refer to, allowing you to predict what is going to happen next. For some, that is quite scary, especially after a drastic change such as a job loss, the death of a loved one, a sudden move etc.. Some say there is a sacred place where all the maps of our lives are held, and before we were born, we got a glimpse of where we were headed.. to top it off, some say we have chosen this life for a reason.
I have NO CLUE what I was thinking when I decided on the life I have, but I am not going to blame my former self for it, because despite the hardships, the drama, the soul-searching and the heart wrenching losses at times, I regret nothing, and feel blessed with everything.. really! I have felt pure joy, and laughed until my sides hurt. I have swam in many lakes, and hiked many forests… There is nothing I would change.
The human experience is a spiritual experience. The vehicle which is our body helps us get to where we want to go on this earth,thus, for whatever reason the Universe conspired to have us all here at the same time.
Way cool! I am happy you are here too!
Some believe extra-terrestrial beings are doing an experiment (something I used to think about when I was a child) watching us, taking notes on our every move, and seeing how we evolve. Other’s believe we are here for a purpose, to carry out a quest, to return to the Source and maybe even reborn again into another body and then some believe we are here, we live, we die, the end (which to me doesn’t make any sense at all.)
Yet, whatever reason we are all here together living our lives is to me, still a mystery, and I love a good mystery. I am a Scorpio with a Scorpio rising after all. Maybe that is why I question everything. I can drive myself bat crazy questioning people’s motives or even my own at times, and I must seek balance in that area of my life. I must delve into the mystery without losing sight of the path I am on.
Take yesterday for example, as I am newly struggling with the agoraphobia a condition which loves to hold hands with my depression. I often feel trapped, and I am limited to an area of about a block or two around my apt building: Meaning, if I walk farther, I get very anxious and need to come home quickly, if I stay in my “safe zone” I can walk around for a long time feeling calm. That is a struggle in itself, and although I am working very hard to overcome this, I can be very discouraging at times, when I once was able to walk around town care free. In the morning, while moving a flower-pot, my back went out. I was like, “What the hell?” As I went to bed, I wept, I wept because of the frustration of feeling trapped, and not being able to be mobile. I screamed up to God and said: “What is it I am supposed to learn from all this? I am doing the work, taking my meds, seeing my therapist, journaling, drawing, making strides towards wellness (trust me I have given up my “martyr” status and drama queen label). Yesterday, I felt like I was whining and the drama queen wanted to voice her opinion loud and clear:
Why now? Why me?
I gave self-pity some space to exist and released the anger, sadness and frustration I felt over my back pain. Then I started to focus on the back pain and feel it more and more. As I cringed while trying to turn over, a voice in my head said: “You see Kim physical pain is taking the pressure off the emotional pain!” AHA! It is true, as I walked around the house sideways, I realized I wasn’t anxious at all, in fact, I forgot about the anxiety all together.
BUT! What is this moment supposed to teach me, that I need to hurt in order not to hurt?
Whatever all this means, it’s between my higher self and the Universe. What I need to do now is nurture myself even more. I really do think I came here this time to learn this. To love myself and care for myself unconditionally. As likeable as I think I am sometimes, there were times when I didn’t appreciate myself.
At this moment in time, it is about self-care, self-love, self-awareness, and passing this on from generation to generation. I did promise myself when I had my first child that I would break the chains of dysfunctional families. That I would teach my children that yes, life doesn’t always happen as we planned it, and we must be ready for uncertainties. Yet, life, is to be lived to its fullest, no matter what situation you are in.
As I continue this amazing life’s magic mystery tour, I remind myself of a time that a white cloaked angel showed me my life’s path and we made an agreement, and I signed on the dotted line. Now it is up to me to embark on this adventure full force with even more force than ever; thus, with the fierceness of a lioness, and the gentleness of a lamb.
AND… if the aliens are really experimenting above, observing our growth, to them I say:
Hardi har har.. Funny… very funny!!
“Let each man take the path according to his capacity, understanding and temperament. His true guru will meet him along that path.”
― Sivananda Saraswati