“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” ― Steve Martin
Every week or so, I make it a point to write about my experience with depression, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, and agaraphobia: ACK! Sounds depressing right? (pun intended) However, I find it so important to be truthful about what is going on with my Mental Illness because so many suffer alone and in silence. I believe if I can write one thing which can help another open up to the possibility of healing, well this makes me really happy, and happiness is the key.
… and happy I can be.
Depression, in my experience, has its good days and bad days. I can have a partial bad day, and a partial good day, or I can cry for 10 minutes thinking my insides will come out of my eyes and ears, then 10 minutes later I can be smiling at a someone’s funny Facebook status. I do have really funny moments, and unlike my kids, I also think I am quite hilarious and sometimes even laugh alone at my own jokes… Loony bin worthy? NEVER!
Believe it or not, I don’t lay here all day, under the blankets, wishing the world would go away (although I have had those moments) and when I am calm and not too fidgety, I can be fun to be with. I am a real good listener, and very empathetic. I love to feed my friends, and enjoy a glass of wine. And although “in person social” is really tough for me at times.. please don’t stop coming over just know that often my anxiety rises when “in person” happens and I may pace for a little while.
It is NOT all that bad.. I can dance too!
As I dance to the latest Justin Timberlake song.. well sway would be a better word… I find joy in the moment, yet my children both yell “MOM” because well.. they think I am not cool when I dance.. They are probably right, but I LOVE to go right in front on their bedroom door and make them even more embarrassed by the sight of my big boobies jiggling to the next best song. Singing is another favorite thing I do, and I often change the words to the lyrics to amuse myself. When one of my children catch me, they either block their ears, run OR join in. Especially my son. We do have the same sense of humor, so we chuckle at weird stuff together. Even when the music is not playing, you can catch me singing a silly song… outrageously loud, from the bathroom, leaving my dog perplexed…
It is all in fun right?
One night, my teenage daughter and I decided to rent Les Misérables. My daughter didn’t know it was a musical and I didn’t dare tell her before renting it because she would have turned away. As it started, and she saw that they were singing every line she started to think it was funny. So that evening, every time we spoke to each other, such as, “Mom can you get some popcorn” we would sing to each other. We laughed so hard that night, the movie became fun for both of us. So, really, although I have my moments of sobs, hopelessness, and fear. I also find joy in the little things. This really helps give me perspective and hope. Humor allows happiness in and helps me to forget, for a little while, whatever ailment is in my day. Oh.. and if ever you feel like singing a conversation, try it! I guarantee loads of laughter in exchange.
“Ever notice how ‘What the hell’ is always the right answer?” ― Marilyn Monroe