Growing up, I didn’t have a great relationship with my Mom. And though, if you asked her about it – she’d disagree, I have very vivid memories of things that were not-so-awesome.
In my early twenties, I made it a mission to heal the mommy-wound deep within me. I even had a beach ceremony with sisters where we said a prayer and I read a letter out loud that I wrote to my Mom, but would never actually give to her.
I buried it in the sand and watched the waves melt my words and feelings into the Earth.
Though these acts of healing did a great deal for me at the time, I don’t think I came to a full understanding and place of forgiveness with my Mom until I had my son in August of 2012.
As a kid I had many beliefs that lead me to the conclusion that once you become a parent, your child is your most important priority. And though there is a great deal of truth in that, there is also another contradicting truth that I had yet to experience.
Yes. Your child is a priority and you love them with all of your heart. But, as parents we are still very much human. And all the things that we have struggled with before having a child, don’t just stop. It just continues existing. And sometimes, it even becomes magnified.
My Babe, Sawyer is 9 months old this week. I love him fully. Whole-heartedly. And yet, on a day-to-day basis, I still have to cope with being me. Running my business. Creating a loving a marriage. Taking care of my body. Staying grounded.
In experiencing this for myself, I have found great forgiveness for me mother.
I truly, truly believe she did the best that she could with what she had (mentally, physically, financially).
And I bet your Mom did too.
I think that in our humanness, we are quick to judge and slow to accept. We are sometimes, too busy playing the victims than we are aware of our ability to make peace.
There are many extraordinary gifts my first son has given me. He’s waken me up in numerous things. But perhaps one of the most valuable, is the ability he gave me, of an open heart and open eyes, to forgive my mom.
I only hope that as he grows up, he has the capacity for forgiveness towards me that I have found for my own Mom.
Happy Mother’s Day beautiful ladies.
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