Healing Through Listening and Protecting

“I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.” 
― Elizabeth GilbertEat, Pray, Love

Today I was going to write a whole post on the Chapter 10 of The Artist’s Way – Recovering A Sense of Self-Protection however, something has come up which is blurring my vision. It is blocking my way to what I want to say. What is this you may ask? It’s life. You know the daily in’s and out’s of dealing with chaos? As much as celebrating my first year of freedom is grand, it is bringing up issues with me and my children. Chapter 10 that block us from our creativity i.e. Workaholism, sex, drugs, Facebook Addiction (that’s me). I bet I could fit “life issues” in there. If we ignore them, the drama could rob us blind of our creativity. So, this week, I am attempting to incorporate the theme of healing because it is calling me. Thus, it ties in with this chapter because what blocks our creativity is what we allow to get in the way.

If taking the time to get better works, my creativity will flow right?

We heal, but it takes time.

Healing from anything, a cut, a burn, a major operation, death in the family, heartbreak, abuse, falling off a bike, or even witnessing an accident, is a process. Like life itself, you can not put a time limit on it. It will take the time is needs depending on the situation. If you cut yourself, yet never clean, disinfect or bandage it, it may take weeks to heal, and worse, it may turn into a disgusting infection. The attention one puts on ones own healing makes a huge difference.

“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” 
― Rose Kennedy

Also, there are things we do not heal from. Really, there is life and there is death. According to some studies, people have died of a broken heart. Is that because they never nurtured it? I do not know, I guess there are times we need to accept the process and embrace uncertainty.

What I now for sure is when I take the time to be honest with myself. When I truly LOOK at how a situation is affecting me, I can start the process of getting better. My journey is important, and not only is my journey important,  my children’s path and recovery is major as well. To take them on this road with me, I must take the reins and guide the ship. I must do everything necessary to make sure I am well. So in turn, they feel safe and secure knowing they each have a soft place to fall.

This is not an easy task, there are people everywhere claiming they can fix you or they can heal you. Yet, without being open to receive no healing will take place. Furthermore, no one can fix you. For example, I LOVE Iyanla Vanzant, I have used her methods for spiritual growth, and for me they truly work. Her book, In The Meantime, is like a bible to me. I read it every so many years and learn something new every time. BUT, yes there is a but, I have a problem with her new show and it is the title.

IYANLA FIX MY LIFE?

When I saw the announcement for this new show I almost fell off my chair. As much as I love you Iyanla, you cannot FIX anyone’s life. This I learned this year. I cannot fix my brother’s life, I cannot fix my friend’s life, I cannot fix my neighbor’s life, I cannot fix my communities life. I can only heal. The word “fix” leads me to believe there is something terribly wrong with me. I am broken, you are broken. Are we really broken?

I felt like I was broken, but really I was shattered 

I did. Yet I know today, that all I needed was what Linus did with his trusty blanket when he wrapped Charlie Brown‘s Christmas tree. All I needed was a bit of love. Not from you, not from a boyfriend, not from my mom, or my dad but coming from ME… I needed to love me.

Where does all this fit in with the bit of chaos going on among the celebration? Well I noticed, as the anniversary of my separation from my last relationship approached issues with the kids came up also. I had to put my foot down more often, I had to RE-set boundaries, and at times they drove me nuts. Yet, when I take the time to really dig deep and ask myself: “What really lies deep within them now?” “What is the underlying source of their behavior?” I slowly seek to understand and know they are sorting through their own stuff, and as a parent, the more I ignore, the more it will not go away. I must tune in…

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” 
― Rumi

So, we talk. We talk ALOT. I give them their space and let them just be. There are times when we don’t talk at all, yet I observe and let them know “I am available if you need to talk”. I give them the space they need to heal from a lifetime of loving, hurting, and then letting go. From being emotionally abused, abandoned, and humiliated (this NOT from me). I give them the time to forgive me for not taking them out sooner, and for not taking care of myself in the process.

My children have witnessed their mother allowing herself to be disrespected. How can they not try to disrespect me after that? Now that my limits are clear. Now that I respect myself. Now that I take every measure necessary to be attentive to them when they need me to listen. Now that my ego is out-of-the-way. They are talking.

They are open.

They are healing.

They are caring.

They are compassionate..

They are free to leave the lights on and spin around.

They are free to express themselves and speak their mind.

They are loved, cared for and appreciated for who they are.

They are free and they are teens! Let them be teens!

Why, because I am too (not a teen but at times act like one!)

Healing, it does take time. It takes the time it will take even if it is a lifetime. Healing is self-love 101, 216 and 999. No one can fix me. No one can define me. I am who I am, and by protecting myself and my children the next year will even be MORE fabulous!

I want to leave you with a passage from one of the last chapters from In The Meantime by Iyanla Vanzant:

“You did not have to do it all at once, you know! You did not have to empty all the drawers and the closets; put all the blinds in the tub; turn the refrigerator off so that it would defrost, leaving puddles of water everywhere; dump all the dirty clothes into the middle of the floor; set off a roach bomb!  You didn’t have to make it so hard on yourself, but you did.  Not only did you do it, you did it! You made it! You have cleaned up the entire house.  Done the laundry. Evacuated all of the dust bunnies.  Hung up the freshly washed curtains.  Put all of the clothes away and thrown away about twenty bags of trash.  Congratulations!! You should be very proud of yourself! But before you sit down to rest, let us take one more run though, just to make sure everything is in place”

I am doing just that!

Love and light.

Kim

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4 Comments

  1. Yes…your heart is all over this page Kim. It’s inspiring to hear your story and witness how you surrendered to the process and have embraced that it takes time — for you and your children 🙂

    Those are lucky teenagers…
    xo
    Tracie

  2. Kim

    October 2, 2012 at 11:40 am

    I will continue healing. I really do hope we get to meet one day Heather. Enjoy the journey.

    🙂

  3. I read that book years ago, way before I created the Where the Butterflies Go book and blog. And it changed my life. Now you have once again because this post has reminded me I should reread that book. And not give myself a hard time if I spend weeks on one chapter! 🙂 I hope you continue healing. So happy we happened upon each other in cyberspace, Kim.

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