paths2

Intuition is a spiritual faculty and does not explain, but simply points the way.  ~Florence Scovel Shinn

I few years ago I was online shopping for a sweater for my daughter.  She desperately  wanted this one sweater and since she needed a new sweater I decided to get it for her. When it came time for checkout however, something in my stomach was telling me “mmm.. Check it out first” . I ignored the feeling and proceeded to purchase.  The order went through ok, however, the day after I realized I paid by echeck (which means the money comes directly out of your account not out of the Paypal acct) .  Thank God I did the double take and was able to transfer the PayPal money into my bank on time, because I would be in big trouble right now with everyone (bank, paypal and the vendor).

You think I remembered this? Yes and No.. I slipped

About a month ago I won a contest with Fine Art America. I won a 75$ online gift certificate which meant I could finally buy one of my own prints. At first attempt to checking it out of my cart, it kept on asking me for my Credit Card (which I do not own) or my PayPal information even though my balance was 0. I couldn’t for the life of me order it. PayPal was not accepting a zero balance.

After a few emails back and forth with Fine Art America, they told me to try a few things, which I did, and finally I was able to, with PayPal, order my own print. Then this little twinge in my stomach, much like the one I had with my daughter’s sweater purchase, began to wave its arms frantically in the air. “No no don’t click confirm!!! Don’t do it.. No.. n..” Too late. I did it and it worked and I was happy.

“See, you can’t fool me…”

Well.. My intuition was right!

Fine Art America charged me, and not only that since I didn’t have enough in my PayPal account, PayPal took some out of my Bank Account, and guess what? There was no money there which equals, to me, -42.50 in bank charges! UGH my prize now cost me 42.00 because in the end F.A.A. reimbursed me the whole amount a day later.

I got hit! AGAIN.. why, because I was not looking both ways.

A couple of years ago, Oprah did an episode:  “Trusting Your Intuition”, that same month my friend Jennifer Shelton from Femcentral posted “Whats a “gut” and how do I listen to it?”

It is no coincidence those things are coming to me when I am questioning my intuition.  I get mad at myself when I ignore it, and KNOW, just KNOW when I’m doing it.  When I experience my intuition,  I get a pinch inside my stomach (for when I “should” take another path). That pinch goes right to my brain and sends an alarm:  “NO NO NO – Stop – Double Check – Not Good!!”  When I am making the choice that is right for me, the feeling is totally different.

My question is:  If my gut is speaking to me, why do I choose to ignore it?   I can probably come up with all kinds of answers, however, the whys are not important.  What is important is that I see, hear and feel!   So, like an athlete, I am in training!  Lets move on to practice.

I created a system for myself to remind me of the “red flags”.  First, with my therapist, we decided that I should put Stop signs around my house to remind me, during my vulnerable stages, what is important:  ME!!  Moreover, I must remember to set boundaries and stick to them.  There will come a time, during this process, that I may become weak.  These stop signs will serve as reminders to not open the door to things that may, in the end, be a detriment to my healing.

Second,  while I was walking across the street here.  I noticed that often, I was jaywalking. So lets say “jaywalking” is ignoring my gut.   I also noticed that often, almost everyone around here jaywalks! (so everyone ignores their gut? No.. but for the purpose of this exercise YES!)   Jaywalking, in this instance, represents taking a chance every time one ignores the stop sign and crosses the street.  So this is my plan.  When I want to cross the street, I press on the little hand to activate the cross walk.  Although it takes a long time for the little walking man to show up, I wait until its safe.  Thus, the hand telling me to stop is my “gut instinct” to stop.  The little man telling me to walk “is my gut instinct to go with it”!

This visual exercise is really helping me tap into “the stop and go” of instinct.  It is also teaching me patience, and being good to myself.  I mean, if I cross that street too early, I could get hit by a car.  If I wait, I am making a wise choice.  I still look both ways before I cross, but know that the path is cleared and its my turn!

As for my daughter’s sweater, in  the end, the money cleared and there is no harm done… Yet I can’t wait to receive my daughter’s sweater to make this whole transaction A.. OK!!!

What signs do you look for?  What practices do you do in order to trust your gut?